Have you had an unfortunate response to disappointment?
I wouldn’t be surprised. We’re hard-wired to respond to stimuli with feelings first and analysis second. When we act on our emotions, before we allow time to think, we respond unfavorably to disappointment. Unfortunately, emotionally driven types of responses are common for some leaders, according to leadership expert Peter Bregman’s Harvard Business Review article.
One such response for a disappointed leader is to go into attack mode. The temper rises and hurtful things are spewed. The attack is based on blame.
It’s unfortunate when a leader can’t look internally to their possible contribution to the setback. So what’s driving this type of behavior? The underlying drive is self-preservation, causing the person on the receiving end to pay the price. Sometimes damaging words are too extreme to be called back or reconciled. Relationships then become irreparable.
Another leadership response to disappointment is withdrawal. If a leader bears shame or deep regret, they may shut themselves in and avoid contacting the people they feel they’ve let down. They bear the pain alone, unable to deal with the humiliation or regret.
Perhaps they feel that things will heal and return to normal if enough time is allowed to pass, but this is rarely effective. Avoidance is no way to lead and can cripple other aspects of management. Withdrawal is not the example of strength and confidence people need to see in a leader.
Apathy is another unfortunate response to disappointment. Leaders rarely continue in their roles for long when they can’t deal with letdowns. They resign themselves to the thought that their position is compromised, and nothing can make up for the mistake. They stop caring altogether, waiting for the end.
Signs of apathy are easy to spot. The leader’s spirit and demeanor drop off significantly. This not only endangers their role, but the roles of everyone counting on them to lead and get things done. The team’s effectiveness and future grow dim until significant changes in personnel are made.
Of course, the severity of these unfortunate responses depends on the seriousness of the disappointment. Everyone has differing emotional tolerances and levels of perspective. Low measures of each cause unfortunate responses that bring regret to everyone.
If you’re dealing with disappointment and would like support in navigating your emotions – let’s talk.